Gifts for cancer patients

Some years ago, and with the best intentions, I sent a package of gifts to my friend with cancer. As it turns out, it was the wrong gifts. Not that my dear friend would've ever told me that she couldn't use them.

I hated that she was diagnosed with cancer. Desperately I wanted to do something for her. Something nice. Thoughtful. Caring.

This was long before I'd spent a lot of time researching and learning about appropriate gifts for someone with cancer. Before I knew for example, that if she was in hospital then flowers weren't a good choice to send - no flowers in oncology ward.

And before I learnt more about some of the cancer treatments and what are useful gifts. When I sent the gift, I didn't understand the effects of some of the treatments and how they might make her feel.

In the pack, I included bubble bath. It seemed thoughtful. A nice relaxing bubble bath always sounds lovely. I also included some decadent chocolates. Because who doesn't like chocolate? And a scented body lotion. Because I thought that would be nice on her skin.

My intentions were heartfelt, but I've since learnt there are gifts that are more helpful. If you live close, then your gift of time is one of the best. Time spent with them or doing things for them eg;

houseworklawns or gardeningpick up prescriptionsdriving them to medical appointments and sitting with them if they would like you tocooking a meal for them and their familyif they have children, driving the kids to after-school activities, sports trainings etc

If you live further away like I did, you can send thoughtful handwritten cards or text messages. (But without expecting a reply because cancer treatments can be exhausting). I wished I had sent cards more often to my friend.

Another thoughtful gesture is to send a gift around the time of any chemo or radiation treatments.

You may be wondering what was wrong with the gift package I sent?

My friend had to have surgery and chemo. To sit in a bubble bath with chemicals wouldn't have been good for her wound. (Many skincare and body products contain lots of chemicals). Her body was already overloaded with chemicals from chemo. Extra chemicals from bubble bath and body lotion, wasn't going to help her immune system.

The perfumed lotion and bubble bath make some people feel nauseous after chemo. And chocolate! When you've been vomiting from chemo? What was I thinking?

I really wanted to do something nice for her. Now I've learnt there are more thoughtful gifts. Natural skincare without chemicals. A nice lipbalm because cancer treatments often result in dry and chapped lips. A soft throw blanket for treatment day, because people often feel cold during chemo. Nice new slippers for hospital stays.

Check out more ideas here for cancer gift hampers

Love to Give Gift Hampers talks about Feeling Fab Pamper Days

Feeling Fab Trust is an awesome and heartfelt charity started by Elizabeth York after suddenly losing her first husband in an awful car accident.

The Feeling Fab charity organise a monthly 'Pamper Day'. It's free to attend. The days are all about women who have experienced bereavement or loss, having the opportunity to enjoy a day of being pampered. To contact Feeling Fab, visit their website www.feeling.co.nz

Photo: Vicki from Love to Give, no make-up selfie, with some of the red gift bags for upcoming Pamper Day. #SuckAtTakingSelfies

Love to Give first got involved with Feeling Fab after meeting Elizabeth York over a year ago. A mutual friend suggested we meet for coffee to see if we could form a collaboration between our two businesses. Elizabeth from Feeling Fab is funny and very passionate about the Pamper Days. She feels so much empathy for the women she meets through the Pamper Days. I definitely felt that Love to Give should become involved somehow. At this stage we help in a small way each month by making up the pamper day gift bags that each woman receives at the end of the event. The gift bags are made up from donated products from the Feeling Fab sponsors.

What Happens at a Feeling Fab Trust Pamper Day

The pamper days are held once a month and are run by sponsors and volunteers. Volunteers include hair-dressers, nail technicians, make-up artists, and wonderful people making and serving delicious food throughout the day. The women attending experience a day of escape, companionship, and being cared for.

If you know someone going through grief, a day of being surrounded by love and care might be just what they need.

A pamper day typically involves having a massage, hair, nails, and make-up done. There is also a craft session. And delicious food throughout the day.

The Feeling Fab pamper days aim to provide support and tenderness. It's also a great opportunity to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

Do you Know Someone in Business that Could Donate any excess stock for the Pamper Days?

Maybe a one-off or occasional donation of items or an ongoing monthly donation. Items could include; new magazines, chocolates, moisturisers, soaps, candles, etc.

For more information on Feeling Fab Trust, to book a pamper day, or consider donating gift items, please visit the Feeling Fab Trust website or FaceBook page:

www.feelingfab.co.nz or www.facebook.com/FeelingFab13/

For get well gift hampers, cancer gift hampers, or general gift hampers, please click on the links below:

Ideas on how to support them and why NOT to send flowers if they’re in hospital

Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments typically lower the patient's immune system. Fresh flowers carry small bugs and fungal spores and can put patients at risk of infection. This is why oncology wards typically ban deliveries of flowers.

Often when someone we know is diagnosed with cancer, one of the first things we think of is to send flowers to say "we're thinking of you'" Unfortunately if flowers are sent to an oncology ward, your thoughtful gesture of flowers is often left out in the reception area away from patients.

So how can I make my friend feel cared for? Some people feel awkward and worry they'll say or do the wrong thing when someone they know has been diagnosed with cancer. Don't leave your friend or family member wondering where you are or worse, thinking that you don't care. Sending a card with a heart-felt message is a good place to start. If you're not sure what to write, there are loads of suggestions to be found - search on Google for ideas on ‘what to write to someone with cancer’

I’d like to send something to my friend - so what should I send instead of flowers?

There are many practical and pampering gifts that you can send instead of flowers. Some ideas are:

Good moisturising lotions or lip balms are great (natural is best). This is because chemotherapy and radiation is often drying on the skin leaving it cracked, red, and sore. Try not to send lotions that are heavily scented as this can increase nausea often associated with cancer treatments.Nice soft, warm bed socks as feet can be cold during treatments.Lovely new slippers for walking across cold floors or to the bathroom.A tri-pillow for added comfort while in bed or sitting in a chair.Special pen & journal for writing notes, reminders, or journaling.Magazines.Soft eye-mask to block out light and aid sleep and naps especially with bright lighting in hospital wards.Soft beanies to keep head warm during treatments.Soft cuddly hot-water bottle cover.Comfy throw-blanket for keeping warm during chemo treatments. Lovely to use while in hospital or at home for day-time naps on the sofa.Soft pjs for hospital stays.

Our list above has some good ideas for gifts you could send or take when visiting your loved one. For more ideas, and to take the stress out of choosing, wrapping and sending to the hospital or home, click on these links:

When health forces you to quit work, any saving you have can be drained incredibly fast!

The true cost of cancer in New Zealand is actually quite frightening. Not only does cancer impact on your health but you and your family’s finances too.

As a patient, when your health forces you to stop working, any savings you may be lucky enough to have can be exhausted pretty quickly. You may only be down to one wage in the household but if your partner has to look after you and everyone else in the family, that wage can disappear too.

So how can you raise funds to keep yourself or a loved one alive? We have put together a list of 11 ways you can explore to help pay for on going medical costs and unfunded drugs here in New Zealand…

1. Fundraising Directory NZ

Family and friends often want to get i

nvolved in a time of need and The Fundraising Directory NZ has an A-Z list of great ideas and links for them to choose from.

From crowd funding with Givealittle pages to sausage sizzles there is something available for everyone to get involved with while you concentrate on securing the larger dollar options listed below.

2. WINZ (Work & Income NZ)

WINZ is run by the Ministry of Social Development and is there to help provide support to New Zealanders. Benefits can be given to those who are unable to support themselves and financial assistance is only given from the date that you contact them so make sure they are first contacts on your list.

WINZ can supply a Community Services Card to help with medical costs and other payments to help out if you have an immediate need for an essential item or service.

Short-term financial help is available through the Sickness Benefit and longer-term help is provided through the Invalids Benefit. You may qualify for extra help through accommodation supplements and assistance with medical bills.

If you need to travel some distance to your medical appointments you may qualify for transport and accommodation costs.

For information on your entitlements contact WINZ on

0800 559 009.

3. Ministry of Health

Some cancer treatments cause hair loss. Through the Ministry of Health, it is possible to claim up to $408.00 to put towards the cost of a wig or headpiece for temporary hair loss, but seeing as most human hair wigs (the more natural option) start at around $2,000 that still leaves a large sum of money to find at short notice.

It may mean the difference between feeling comfortable in your own skin or feeling self-conscious while you undergo treatment. If you have some form of health cover, you may have more options available to assist with this. Click here for more information and how to claim.

4. Hospitals – Treatment Support Grants

Private hospitals sometimes have access to grants from generous donors, to enable patients to receive treatment quickly.

Grants can be up to $10,000. Be sure to ask the head nurse or your oncologist at the private hospital to see if they have such a grant available.

5. Cash in your KiwiSaver

You may be able to withdraw your KiwiSaver savings early if you have an illness, injury or disability that either permanently affects your ability to work or poses a risk of death. You may need to provide medical evidence to support your application.

You can withdraw the total funds in your account including your contributions, your employers contributions, the $1,000 kickstart (if you were eligible) and any tax member credits.

To start this process contact your KiwiSaver provider.

6. Cash in life Insurance policy

If you are lucky enough to have life insurance you may have opted for a policy that means if you have a serious or terminal illness you can claim a lump sum portion of that life insurance on diagnosis to pay for treatments and recovery.

You do not need to wait until death. This is sometimes referred to as Critical Illness, Trauma Insurance or Cancer Cover.

Contact your life insurer to see what policy you have.

7. Mortgage Repayment Insurance

If you have Mortgage Repayment Insurance, especially from a bank, it may have a disability extension. It could mean that either your mortgage payments are ‘waived’ by the insurer, or a claim may be payable for Total and Permanent Disablement benefit.

Total and Permanent Disablement Benefit may be claimed if you have been unable to work for more than 6 months and it is determined that you are totally and permanently disabled with no likelihood of ever returning to work again.

8. Ask your bank for a mortgage holiday

Most banks can provide a mortgage holiday if you ask for one. You may have the option of stopping your home loan repayments for up to 3 months.

This can take the heat off of having to come up with mortgage payments at a time when you may not be able to work. Provision of mortgage holidays is subject to meeting specific lending criteria and terms and conditions.

A mortgage holiday only stops the repayments. The interest on your outstanding loan balance still accrues during that time.

There must also be a minimum of 12 months between the expiry of a loan holiday and the beginning of another.

Ask your bank to see if you qualify.

9. Health insurance

Most Health Insurance companies will only offer a limited amount of money towards medical expenses or unfunded drugs.

Southern cross, New Zealand’s largest health insurer, has launched Cancer Assist in 2017, cover for cancer drugs not funded by Pharmac.

This will pay a lump sum of between $20,000 - $300,000 to policyholders diagnosed with a “qualifying cancer.” This policy is an optional extra and is added on to your existing policy.

Check with your Southern Cross provider if you have this policy.

10. Sell your assets

Sometimes selling your assets can be a quick way to raise some revenue. Assets can be described as your home, a business, a car or a boat.

Asset sales shouldn’t affect any benefit you may receive from WINZ but if you receive Accommodation Supplement, Temporary Additional Support or Special Benefit you do need to tell them about the sale.

If you invest the money and you get and earn interest, this will be counted as income.

The Ministry of Social Development have put together some rules and regulations around this which can be found here.

11. Reverse mortgage your house (home equity release)

For some, reverse mortgaging your home can be a great way to turn your house in to dollars without having to move.

A reverse mortgage lets you borrow funds using your home as security. This means you can free up part of the value of your house without having to sell it. The lender gets its money back (plus interest) when your house is sold – which is usually when you go into full-time care or upon death.

There are a few rules around this type of lending so it doesn’t work for everyone.

You must be at least 60 years of age before you can apply for a reverse mortgage.

You can only borrow a percentage of your home’s value and your home needs to be mortgage-free, although you may be able to borrow if you have a small mortgage left and use the loan to pay it off.

You can take the money as a lump sum, draw on it as needed, or receive regular payments. The last 2 options can help keep the interest down if you don't need the whole amount right away. But make sure the “regular payments” option won’t affect any income you’re getting from the government (this shouldn’t be a problem if all you get is NZ Super; if you get other assistance ask WINZ about how it might affect you).

Heartland Bank offers reverse mortgages as well as SBS Bank continues to offer its Advance Loan but talk to your own bank first for advice.

According to the Deloitte Australia report, In December 2013 there were 5338 NZ mortgage reversals with an average loan size of $83,229.

Always get independent legal advice before your loan is finalised as it is essential to make sure you fully understand how the reverse mortgage works.

Consumer.org.nz has a great in-depth article on reverse mortgages and explains in detail what to expect.

Originally written by Georgina Mason, March 2018, (borrowed with permission) Bowel Cancer Foundation Trust

Dumb, dumb, dumb ... My morning 6 months ago. In Dubai, hotel wake up call at 5am, need to be downstairs at 5.30am to get to airport. Downstairs on time to find two large tour groups and too many people waiting for hotel shuttle van to airport. Start to panic. Can see I'm going to have a 30 minute wait for a shuttle. Going to be late. Man starts calling out 'taxi to the airport' another man & I rush for taxi. I ask him if it's ok to share. He nods yes. Jump into black SUV. Start driving away. Then internal ALARM BELLS start ringing & I'm majorly panicking. Driver is going way over speed limit, hopefully in direction of airport? There are no 'taxi' signs on his car inside or outside. No taxi meter telling cost. Driver asks me where I'm from, NZ. Asks other man where he is from. Russia. Russian dude is built like a massive body builder. Both men start speaking in Russian, at least I assume Russian. Car speeding, turn down a couple of very narrow streets that I definitely don't remember on the way from airport to hotel the day before. Images from the movie 'Taken' start flashing through my mind! Do I jump out of a speeding car? Am I being too paranoid? The info I read about Dubai said taxis have signs and they are all metered. This one doesn't have a sign nor a meter telling you the cost. If I jump out, then I will definitely miss my flight. If I don't jump out ... TAKEN ... Dumb, dumb, dumb!!! Think I'm going to throw up. Scared out of my mind. In a car with two men I don't know at 5.30am! So dumb! You can't believe the huge, massive sense of relief after 5 mins, when I see the signs for the airport. Thank you God!!!! Stupid rookie traveling mistake jumping into an unmarked black suv. What was I thinking? Too trusting. Due to super speeding driver, made it to airport early 😅 Will hopefully not be so dumb again. Taken, NOT Taken 😊 Have you done something that in hindsight, could've been really stupid or dangerous while travelling overseas?

Most people who become a caregiver for a relative or friend, have no training for the job.

No-one plans to get cancer and no-one expects to be a caregiver for someone with cancer. But it happens all the time. The person receiving the cancer diagnosis has their world 'turned upside down'.

Then a caregiver steps up and along with the patient, has a huge learning curve to negotiate. They need to learn about the cancer diagnosis, medications, and treatment.

The caregiver may not live at the same address as the person with cancer. But either way, will be busy organising meals and household chores. The caregiver may drop children at school and after school activities. Also pick up prescriptions and drive the person with cancer to medical appointments.

The caregiver becomes a constant source of encouragement.

But who looks after the caregiver?

Don't let the main caregiver become overwhelmed and exhausted. As this will also have an impact on the person with cancer. They are likely to start worrying about their caregiver at a time when they need to focus on their own healing.

There are many ways to help both the person with cancer and the caregiver. Helping the caregiver supports the cancer patient. Because they know that their caregiver is supported.

Below are some tips and suggestions for helping the caregiver. Feel free to add more ideas in the comments section below.

The caregiver may be reluctant to accept help, so be specific when you offer help. Eg, "I'm going to the shops, do you need any prescriptions picked up while I'm there?" If you make a generic offer to help, people are less likely to think of something for you to do. But making a specific offer to help is more likely to be successful.

Other suggestions could include:

Offer to take the kids to their after-school activity once a week.Drop off a meal, especially if it's something that can go into the freezer.Organise a roster with friends in the neighbourhood to cook and drop off a meal a few nights a week.Take the dog for a walk.Babysit the kids.Offer to do a specific chore eg the vacuuming.Do some baking.Do the lawns for either the person with cancer, or at the caregiver's home.Spend an hour weeding a garden.

Ways to encourage or thank the caregiver:

Send text messages telling them they're doing a great job.Offer to step in as temporary caregiver for an afternoon or day so the main caregiver can have a break.Send a hand-written card to the caregiver.Give them a petrol voucher/MTA gift voucher as they'll likely be doing a lot of extra driving.Give a massage voucher - get a couple of friends to split the cost and buy the voucher.Drop off a magazine.Made a goodie bag with chocolate and a magazine.Send a small gift hamper. There's lots of gift hamper/gift basket companies to choose from that will make and send a gift for you.

Please note: I am in no way an authority on cancer or caregiving. I have lost relatives and friends to cancer and know many of my friends who have lost one or even both parents to cancer.

I hope the above information is useful. Please feel free to post more suggestions or give feedback about your own experience in the comments below.

Difficulty with Memory and Thinking - Known as 'Chemo Brain'

What it is and How to Help

Know someone who is going through cancer treatment? Did you know they can sometimes experience 'Chemo Brain' (also known as Chemo Fog)?

Understanding some of the symptoms of Chemo Brain may help you in supporting your loved one going through cancer treatments.

Chemo Brain can be caused by:

the stress of a cancer diagnosissome cancer treatments such as chemotherapyradiation therapyor surgery etc.

Symptoms of Chemo Brain:

According to the Mayo Clinic (USA) symptoms can include:

difficulty finding the right word or doing simple mathshort term memory problemsconfusionbeing disorganisedfatiguefeeling of mental fogginessshort attention spantrouble remembering a conversationtrouble with visual memory

How to help someone suffering from Chemo Brain:

take them for a short walk, even if it's only 5 minutes a dayoffer to pick up their kids from school or daycare, do a grocery shop, pick up a prescription etc so they can have a restexercise the brain - drop off some puzzle books (crosswords, word-search etc), jigsaw puzzle, play a game with them such as Connect Four, or cards. The idea is to challenge the brain, but not to frustrate - so don't make it too hardAlways be patient. It won't help your friend if you become impatient with their mental fogginessremind them that you care; sit with them, watch a funny movie together, send a text message, if you live far away send a card or gift hamper.

For more tips on supporting someone with cancer and practical gift ideas, click on this link:

After losing both my parents when I was 23, life spiralled a little out of control (no surprises there). Too much drinking to numb the pain, pretending everything was ok. Oh, and the dumb things I did! Like saying 'yes' to a guy I'd dated for 3 months when he proposed! Needless to say, that didn't last very long.

Two years after mum and dad passed away I got the opportunity to transfer to Los Angeles while working for Tourism NZ. It was the best decision! Working in Santa Monica and living less than 10 mins away in Brentwood was an amazing experience! I absolutely loved the laid back lifestyle of Southern California. (If you've only spent a week visiting the theme parks, there is so much more to LA). The endless sunshine is awesome for a start. I love people watching, the shopping, chilling out in cafes, the beaches, and yes the theme parks too!

After 18 months in LA I wanted more out of work (I enjoyed my job, but without a degree I couldn't progress). So I moved back to NZ signing up to the University of Auckland to study full-time (BCom double major in marketing and international business). Part-time work was a necessity to pay for my living costs while at uni. 5am starts on weekends at the airport and eventually weekend nurse-aiding in a retirement village.

Graduation was happy with a tinge of sadness. My beautiful friend Celine and her mum Marie were there to see me receive my degree :) and my future in-laws took us out for a celebration dinner. At college I was probably one of the least likely to be expected to attend university. I'm pretty sure mum and dad would have been proud.

After graduating I started my first marketing job as a Product Manager. Two years later I was pregnant with my gorgeous daughter. When she was just 3 months old I returned to full-time work. Unfortunately I didn't have a support network to help me. Nor a supportive boss (apparently working 40 hours a week, after previously working 50+ hours was considered "part-time")! Sitting in a cupboard at work to express milk for my baby's following day at creche wasn't ideal.

I take my hat off to the many mums (and dads) who work full-time without a support network, and manage to make it work! Having someone to occasionally do the before or after creche pick-up would've been amazing so as not to have to rush all the time.

After my daughter, came one beautiful boy followed by another beautiful boy. Three kids under 5. During this time we built a house (project managing a new build with little ones is definitely an experience)! My new neighbour became one of my best friends, Leah.

And Leah is how I got into the gift hamper business ...

In part 3, becoming a business owner and that friggen awful C word, cancer.

My name is Vicki and I create gift hampers. I grew up in small town NZ and worked from a young age. Like many kids I started a paper-run at age 11 and progressed to milk-runs when I was 14 (back in the days when glass bottles of milk were delivered to your letterbox before breakfast). The milk truck would pick me up at 3.00am and I'd arrive back home at 8.00am in time to quickly get ready for school. No wonder I sometimes fell asleep in class!

I really didn't enjoy college. Nothing inspired me. I sometimes skipped school with my friend (a girl from a Brethren Church family - no radio, no tv etc). She'd drive us to the local shops and we'd hang out just so she could listen to music playing in the background in shops (no radio allowed in her car). Other days we'd drive to the beach.

I left school at 15 to work in my first full-time job, retail (in a local store similar to a Spotlight store). Then worked 3 years in a sewing factory. I was outgrowing my small-town surroundings and needed something more fulfilling.

Then came a shift to Wellington to start a full-time tech course in office admin. Upon completion I started my first office job working for government at Internal Affairs and then transferring to Tourism NZ (known as NZ Tourist and Publicity back then).

I loved living in Wellington! Then my mum died. I was 23 years old. This was the crappiest year of my life. Losing mum was a huge shock. It was unexpected. A massive heart attack without warning and she was only 45.

A couple of months later I got glandular fever, my flat was broken into and a month after that my car was stolen. At that stage I didn't think things could get worse.

But they did. I was then diagnosed with Type 1 insulin dependent diabetes. Not cool for someone with a phobia of needles. But that wasn't the worst thing, cos then my dad died! Only 8 months after mum had died. Again unexpected.

A move to LaLa land, growing, healing - in Part 2

If you’re sending a gift hamper to someone, don’t you want him or her to love the gifts inside? Not just throw the contents away or re-gift them? If the recipient is struggling with a horrible illness eg cancer, isn’t the idea of sending them a gift hamper, is to brighten their day and send something thoughtful?

If the recipient is ill, it is likely they are considering the products they use on their skin so as not to add unnecessary toxic ingredients.

This is why Love to Give Ltd stock skincare products that limit the use of harmful and toxic ingredients. Skincare gifts that are lovely to use and beautifully care for skin without nasty chemicals.

Some gift baskets are loaded with what looks like a bargain because there are so many products. But take just a couple of minutes to Google some of the products offered and you will find some skincare gifts are laden with toxic chemicals and cheap products to bulk up their baskets.

Women use an average of 12 products a day on their skin, men six. These contains an assortment of chemicals, including some that have been shown to disrupt hormones or increase risk of cancer.

We are literally bathing, lathering, brushing, spraying, powdering ourselves and our children with dozens of chemicals every day. Nearly all of these chemicals can penetrate the skin and be absorbed into your body, and some we ingest directly from our lips or hands. It’s impossible to avoid every single synthetic chemical, but you can limit the amount of toxins your body is exposed to.

Whether you’re buying personal products from your local pharmacy or supermarket for yourself, or gifts for others, below are just a few of the toxins (and what they do) to avoid where possible.

Parabens. Parabens are widely used preservatives that prevent the growth of bacteria, mold and yeast in cosmetic products. Sounds good, right? Not so fast, they do more than that. Parabens possess estrogen-mimicking properties that are associated with increased risk of breast cancer. These chemicals are absorbed through the skin and have been identified in biopsy samples from breast tumors. They can be found in makeup, body washes, deodorants, shampoos and facial cleansers. You can also find them in food and pharmaceutical products.

Propylene glycol. Propylene glycol is a small organic alcohol commonly used as a skin-conditioning agent. It’s classified as a skin irritant and penetrator. It has been associated with causing dermatitis as well as hives in humans. It can be found in moisturizers, sunscreen, makeup products, conditioners, shampoo and hair sprays.

Benzophenone, PABA, avobenzone, homosalate and ethoxycinnmate - Sunscreen Chemicals. These chemicals function as a sunscreen agent, to absorb ultraviolet light. These chemicals are endocrine disruptors and are believed to be easily absorbed into the body. They may also cause cellular damage and cancer in the body. Mineral suncreens are good - Zinc oxide and titanium dioxide, but beware that they are not just zinc oxide/titanum oxide added to a suncreen full of chemicals and then labelled as ‘mineral’ suncreen.

You have one body. If you don’t take care of yourself, you may pay for it later in sickness.

Thankfully there is an increasingly bigger range of skincare brands available that do not contain harmful chemicals.

Information sourced from:

www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-cunningham

www.motherearthliving.com/health-and-wellness